If you're looking for a great way to waste your valuable time farting around on YouTube, there's really nothing quite like Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes.
The opening sequence from the original film is probably the best way to kick off your stint in suitable style. The theme tune pays homage to countless bygone schlockfests from the golden age of B movies - and includes the priceless line: 'I'm really gonna miss her/A tomato ate my sister'.
There also seems to be a cartoon from the Nineties, allegedly 'inspired' by the film.
In the latter, some of the mutant tomatoes develop individual minds and personalities. Then they run off and form a gang. This gang is led by the Head Tomato, a tough customer from the Bronx.
While the human inhabitants of the city kick off in a massive urban riot, the matoes take advantage of the mayhem to break into a store. They drag out a huge sack of something, throw it onto the back of a skateboard and make off with it. Believing that the sack contains concentrated fertilizer, they rip it open and start tearing into the contents. Naturally it turns out to be kitty litter, so instead of ballooning into giants, they all spit it out on the floor in disgust and get roundly bollocked for their stupidity by the Head Tomato.
To enable the target audience to identify with the programme more closely, the heroes of the piece are of course a teenage human boy and girl. These two both have part-time jobs in the local pizza parlour. And yes, they really have made friends with yet another one of the mutant tomatoes - a small, friendly creature that seems to be convinced it's a dog.
The particular episode I watched was called Attack Of The Mutant Pimentoes. This began with the boy and girl hard at work in the pizza parlour, making up the next batch of pizzas and cooking them. Guess what - the boy does not know that the pile of pizzas he and his colleague have prepared so diligently have been infiltrated by the aforesaid gang of mutant pimentoes. Give the poor bugger a chance - the horrible pimentoes are fiendishly averting suspicion by pretending to be inert while the kids place them on top of the pizzas and bake them in the oven.
Next the boy jumps on his moped to deliver the first order of the evening to a middle-aged couple living out in the suburbs. The wife turns out to be a bedraggled old ratbag in curlers. She opens the door, takes the pizzas from the boy, and throws the money at him.
Because her husband refuses to come for his dinner right away, she shoves the pizzas straight in the fridge. Meanwhile, the pimentoes ready themselves to strike ...
Who the hell wrote all this stuff? That's what I want to know!
It's a damn sight more inventive than Scooby-bloody-Doo!
No wonder my brother used to love vegging out to it with his cereal of a Saturday morning.
If the mutant tomatoes want to do something useful, they could always try radicalising their comrades from the Dolmio ad.
ReplyDeleteMatoes of the world, unite!
You have nothing to lose except your pizza and pasta etc (cont. on p.94)
Those blackcurrants from the Ribena ad could do with having their consciousness raised as well, whilst we're at it.
ReplyDelete